Becoming A Calm Mom: Strategy #6

I have said it before, but I will say it again... these tips are not only useful as one becomes a calm mom, but also as simple reminders for a satisfying life. "Becoming A Calm Mom" has not taught me any new lessons or concepts, per se, but it has brought these ideas to the forefront of my mind.

Now, we still have a little over 10 weeks to go, so let's hope I can remember some of the strategies when I am stricken with exhaustion, fatigue and overall feelings of being overwhelmed. I can report more about that in a monthly update! LoL

But, we are not done with the calm mom strategies as Dr. Ledly outlines one last tip, calm companionship.

Unlike the previous tips, calm companionship, involves an attitude toward fostering and maintaining adult relationships for the new mom. 

Tips for Calm Companionship

Make time for relationships. Remind yourself that making time for relationships - and the relationship with your partner, in particular – is not selfish. A strong, loving parental relationship is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your baby. Look out for yourself in relationships.  Tailor your relationships so you get what you need (love, support, fun, etc.), while also feeling good about giving back to others. Don’t neglect others’ thoughts, feelings, and needs. Don’t be baby-centric. Make sure to ask friends and family members what is going on in their lives. Seek out other people in your situation. Meet and connect with other new moms. People in the same boat you are in will likely be a great source of support, advice, and fun.

Ledley, D.R. (2009). Becoming a calm mom: How to manage stress and enjoy the first year of motherhood. Washington, DC. American Psychological Association.

 Did you miss any of the other strategies for your Calm Mom Toolbox? Below, I have listed the 5 other calm mom tips:

Strategy #1: Becoming a Calm Thinker

Strategy #2: Becoming Your Own Behavior Therapist

Strategy #3: Calm Communicator

Strategy #4: Making Decisions

Strategy #5: Calm Body & Soul

Question of the Day: What recommendations, tips, and/or strategies do you have for remaining calm during the first few months of motherhood?

Michelyn Cynthia

Becoming A Calm Mom: Strategy #5

Happy Tuesday beauties!!! 

You know the next strategy that is outlined in Dr. Ledley's has actually been pretty helpful as Coach and I cheered on our Badgers in both the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 games! We are so very excited that the Wisconsin Badgers have progressed to the Final Four back-to-back. We are planning to attend the games again this year. I promise that my attire is Badger-fan approved, unlike last year. 

So here is the 5th strategy:

Tips for Creating a Calm Body and Soul

Try the following relaxation strategies to create a Calm Body and Soul:         Breathing exercises         Muscle relaxation         Positive energy         Listen to music         Dance with your baby in a sling or infant carrier         Take a bath or shower         Go for a walk         Do yoga         Call a friend or family member        Do anything else that you used to find relaxing before having a baby

Ledley, D.R. (2009). Becoming a calm mom: How to manage stress and enjoy the first year of motherhood. Washington, DC. American Psychological Association.

Question of the Day:: What strategy do you use to stay calm? 

Michelyn Cynthia

On Being A Calm Mom: Strategy #4

Out of all of the strategies outlined by Dr. Ledley this next strategy is one that I REALLY struggle with. I can be so indecisive at times and, of course, this occurs when I need to make pretty big decisions. Small, irrelevant decisions don't cause me much distress, but a decision that has a long-term impact or large ramification can cause me much turmoil.

I really like the strategy and tool that is outlined in the book for making decisions, especially since Dr. Ledley encourages you to develop several, possible solutions.

The Calm Mom Approach to making decisions involves six steps:

1. Define the problem and set a goal.
2. Brainstorm at least five possible solutions.
3.  Consider the pros and cons of each solution.
4. Select one solution or a combination of solutions.
5. Make a plan to implement the solution.
6. After giving the solution a chance, evaluate whether or not it is working.

And here is a handy worksheet that can be used to work through the six steps, outlined above.

Michelyn Cynthia

Becoming A Calm Mom: Strategy #3

We are at midway point in the calm mom strategies. Today's strategy is one that I need much practice with in my everyday life.

Now, I am good at communicating and delivering a specific message for the most part. In contrast, if one finds me tired, agitated, or the recipient is not seeming to be hearing (aka agreeing) with my stance; then we do have problems with my ability at being an effective communicator. Who is with me?

Becoming  A Calm Communicator

Avoid being a passive or aggressive communicator: ·         Passive communication: Passive communicators try hard to appease others, but their own needs are not met ·         Aggressive communicators: Aggressive communicators look out for themselves, but they neglect the needs and feelings of others. Be a Calm Communicator by using Assertive Communication: ·         Assertive communicators have their own needs met and look out for the needs and feelings of others. To Be A Calm Communicator: ·         Consider the other person’s perspective. ·         Voice your own perspective. ·         Tell the other person what you need. ·         Offer a solution that might be equally acceptable to both parties.

Ledley, D.R. (2009). Becoming a calm mom: How to manage stress and enjoy the first year of motherhood. Washington, DC. American Psychological Association.

Question of the Day: Are you a passive, aggressive, or assertive communicator?

Michelyn Cynthia

Becoming A Calm Mom: Strategy #2

The second strategy outlined by Dr. Ledley is the most challenging, in my opinion? Why you may ask? Well, most individuals seek advanced training by attending graduate school to become therapists and I believe it takes a lot of practice and guidance to perfect these skills of analysis. 

In my field of school psychology, I often support behavioral therapists' development and implementation of behavioral plans. First, and foremost, it is challenging to define a problem behavior for many. Typically, one says they (or the child) is "depressed" or "having temper tantrums" but we do not do well defining exactly what that behavior looks like from the outside, or others' perspective, as well as internally. In my line of work, it too can be quite challenging for teachers and parents to understand that their behaviors, as the adult, may be reinforcing or triggering certain maladaptive behaviors in children. Being a behavioral therapist entails mastering skills at defining and changing problematic behaviors.

But, this book was not written by me, and the tenets of being a behavioral therapist are valuables ones to posses, so I will share the second strategy outlined in "Becoming a Calm Mom."

Becoming Your Own Behavior Therapist

1.       Identify a Trigger, a Response, and a Result 2.       Figure out what Goal you want to achieve . 3.       Figure out how to Change Your Response so that you can realize your goal.

Ledley, D.R. (2009). Becoming a calm mom: How to manage stress and enjoy the first year of motherhood. Washington, DC. American Psychological Association.

Trigger (also referred to as Antecedent/Activating Event): Thought and/or action (including another's behavior) that directly proceeds, elicits, or cues a certain response

Response (also referred to as Behavior/Beliefs):Rationale/irrational thoughts or behaviors that occur in reaction to the trigger.

Result (also referred to as Consequence):Emotions, thoughts or behaviors that are manifested from the Response

Goal (also referred to as Target Behavior): The preferred or desired behavior and/or thought that is deemed appropriate

Change Your Response:  It is the purpose of behavior therapy to change/alter the Response in efforts of achieving one's Goal

Michelyn Cynthia

Becoming A Calm Mom: Strategy #1

Are there any current moms or moms-to-be that have read this book, Becoming a Calm Mom?

In one of my "buy every baby book on Amazon" tirade, I purchased this book! In efforts of not shaming myself, I will not disclose the number of pregnancy and baby books that I have read to date, but will say that I may be losing count on my fingers! I know, there are so many books about parenting, being pregnant and everything else in between that I am not even certain how anyone makes a living off writing them. I mean, aren't there enough already for sale?

With that being said, I have really enjoyed the strategies outlined in Dr. Ledley's book. Maybe this is because she is a cognitive behavioral psychologist, of which I would also categorize my own theory of practice.

So why did I buy the book, ha?

Whether you are physician, psychologist, nanny, or whatever, the act of becoming a parent for the first time is daunting and overwhelming. I was intrigued by the idea that six strategies could aid in reducing stress and anxiety.

After reading the book, I like the six strategies outlined by Dr. Ledley, and would argue that these six strategies can be used not only during a parent's first year of parenthood, but in life generally.

So with that, I figure I would share the six strategies. I believe you will agree that anyone could benefit from her strategies as reducing the stress in your life.

Becoming a Calm Thinker

1.       Become aware of your thoughts. “What am I thinking right now?” 2.       Question your thoughts. “Does this thought make sense? Would I say this to my sister or my best friend? Is there a different way to think about this situation?” 3.       Answer the questions posed in the previous step. 4.       Come up with a Calming Statement that summarizes what you have learned after capturing your negative thoughts, questioning the thoughts, and generating answers to your questions.

  Ledley, D.R. (2009). Becoming a calm mom: How to manage stress and enjoy the first year of motherhood. Washington, DC. American Psychological Association.

Question of the Day: Have you tried using the first strategy, become a calm thinker, to lessen your stress?

Michelyn Cynthia